


Exile

by ImagineRedwood



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Gen, Idiots in Love, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 00:31:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19800997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineRedwood/pseuds/ImagineRedwood
Summary: Request: Imagine being Jax's little sister and having a secret relationship with Happy. He and your parents forbid it so they give you a choice between Happy or the club and you choose him but you're pregnant and leave town without anyone knowing.





	1. Chapter 1

“So. What will it be.”   
“I don’t want to leave him dad…”   
“Fine. You’re not allowed in the clubhouse unless there’s a lockdown. If there is, you sleep in Jax’s room and you get the fuck out as soon as it’s over.”

You sighed and hid your face into your hands, not being able to stop your tears after 10 straight minutes of your family taking turns berating you. Your 4 months of being able to sneak around with Hap had finally come to an end. You’d been able to keep everything under wraps the entire time but this morning, Your mom had walked in on you and told your dad and Jax. Now all three of them were furious with you and weren’t taking care to hide the disappointment in their face.

You’d known that they wouldn’t take it lightly but banning you from the very place that was basically your home was hurting you more than they’d ever know. You could understand them forbidding you to be around Hap but to practically make you persona non grata in the clubhouse shocked you. You tried to take deep breathes and steady your breathing to calm yourself down. Crying, stress and the headache that had resulted from all of the above wasn’t good for you and they definitely weren’t good for the baby Which just one more thing you had to worry about now.

You were pregnant. You hadn’t told anyone yet, not even Happy. You’d found out last week and had been stressed about how you were going to tell him and everyone else but you never thought they’d react this badly. To them, it was just a little fling and they were disgusted, imagine how they would feel about you when they found out you were carrying his baby. The thought actually made you feel like you could throw up and you stood from the couch, grabbing your phone and trying to leave the clubhouse but your father grabbed onto your wrist roughly, a gasp leaving your lips from the slight pain.

Tig, who was sitting in the corner silently, stood and grabbed Clay's arm gently.

“Easy brother. I know, I know. She fucked up, she knows that. Let her go.”

He soothed Clay as his anger flared up again. Clay’s eyes stayed on yours, narrowed and angry but as he saw yours filling with tears again, his face softened some and he let go of you. You quickly ran out of the clubhouse, Jax standing to go after you. No matter how angry he was at you, you were still his baby sister and seeing you cry was one of the things that always hurt him the most in life.

“Let her go.”

Jax looked back at Clay, conflicted before he finally sat down with his head in his hands.

“What are we gonna do about Hap?”

Clay sighed and shook his head.

“I’ll talk to him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean her shits gone?!”

Everyone looked towards the kitchen where Jax was talking with Gemma as his voice boomed through the clubhouse.

“I went by today, wanted to check on her. I haven’t seen her in 3 days since the argument and she hadn’t called me or anything. I felt like we overreacted so I went over to talk to her. I used my key and went in. The kitchen and everything is the same but all her shit is gone, Jax. Her makeup, her hair products, her clothes, her photo albums. Everything. This isn’t just her taking off to clear her head. She’s gone Jax.”

He stayed still with his mouth open as his mother's voice cracked, sobs leaving her.

“She left Jax. My babygirl.”

Gemma held onto the counter as she felt her chest start to tighten, her breathing becoming shallow.

“Mom? Mom!”

The rest of the Sons flooded into the kitchen hearing the commotion.

“I’m fine. My hearts just acting up.”

Chibs rubbed her back while assuring her that they would bring her baby back, Jax still standing in shock. He knew he should’ve gone after you. He knew they’d been too rough, said things too hurtful out of anger. Now he’d lost his baby sister. Jax knew you better than anybody. He knew all your hopes and dreams, all your fears, all your secrets, everything.

That was the reason he’d been so upset at you keeping something like that away from him. He also knew how skittish you could be when you felt like you weren’t welcomed and he knew it was going to be a long shot trying to get you to come back home if they were even able to find you. You’d grown up and spent your whole life around the club and we’re best friends with Juice. You knew how to hide and not be found and that knowledge brought tears to Jax’s eyes. What if he never saw his baby sister again?


	2. Chapter 2

“Have a seat Hap.”

Clay pointed to Happy’s chair at the Reaper table and the killer nodded, a solemn look upon his face as he sat, Jax sitting across from him in his usual seat beside Clay. Hap looked down at the table for a minute, trying to prepare himself for whatever was going to happen. He was a good Son, one of the best and he knew his position in the club was appreciated. He also knew though that getting caught with the president's daughter and hiding a relationship with her for months wasn’t appreciated and he wasn’t sure which factor was going to take precedent in this situation.

They weren’t really able to decipher his emotions from the look on his face but the one thing was evident was his discomfort. He didn’t know what was going to happen and feeling unsure and helpless was not something Happy enjoyed. It was clear to him as that Jax and Clay weren’t exactly comfortable either though and Hap couldn’t really understand why they hadn’t killed him yet or at the very least jumped him. He didn’t like the uneasiness on their faces in place of the rage he’d expected and his hands were beginning to feel clammy.

“Hap.”

He looked away from Clay, who had yet to meet his eyes, to Jax whose voice was unsteady and Happy wondered why he was the one addressing him instead of his president. The whole situation was weird and Hap didn’t like the feeling he was getting. You hadn’t answered any of his calls. He knew the moment that Gemma had walked in on the two of you that it was going to get to the clubs ears. He didn’t get why you were pulling away from him though.

You’d both fucked up and you both were in the same boat. He was sure that they’d told you that you couldn’t speak to him but the least you could do was answer him and tell him you were alright. He hadn’t seen you since that day. Then he’d heard from Chibs and Tig that Clay had kicked you out of the clubhouse after you’d picked him but If you’d sacrificed your family to be with him, then where were you? Why were you avoiding him?

“Tell me what’s going on.”

He stared at Jax blankly, not understanding how he was supposed to be able to tell them what was going on when he didn’t even know.

“I don’t know.”   
“Have you spoken to Y/N?”   
“No. She won’t answer me.”

Happy’s eyebrows furrowed as he saw Clay wince.

“What’s going on?”

The two exchanged a glance before Clay finally spoke up.

“She left Hap. We don’t know where she is. Gemma went to the house and all her stuff is gone. Everything that she could take, she took. We’ve been calling her, going around the house, calling her job, her friends, the Croweaters. No one knows anything. She split, Happy.”

He could feel the color draining from his face. It felt like time stopped. He was lost. Jax and Clay both looked down, shame and guilt etched deep on their faces.

“I told her that she had to pick either us or you. She picked you. I told her to leave and that she wasn’t welcome here anymore. It was wrong and I overreacted. It’s my fault.”

Happy said nothing as he looked at Clay, every emotion possible flooding him at once.

“So she took off.”

Both Jax and Clay nodded.

“And she’s gone. For good.”

They were quiet for a moment before Jax finally spoke.

“It looks that way.”

Happy resisted the urge to stand and destroy everything around him but his hands balled into fists under the table and he felt his pressure rising.

“And where do we stand?”

“We’re not happy about this. You went behind the clubs back and our families back to be with my daughter.”

Happy nodded. He was right but he hadn’t made a point yet. He hadn’t said that they were on good terms or bad and Happy sat silently, deliberating. Jax and Clay watched him intently, not sure what was going to happen next. If he would ask for forgiveness or if he would be unapologetic. If he would say he was going to just deal with it and let you go since he was wrong or if he was going to fight for you and ask them to look for you. Out of everything though, he asked the one thing that neither of them were expecting or wanting to hear.

“I want to transfer back to Tacoma.”


	3. Chapter 3

Happy let out a groan and stretched his arms up above his head. Slowly opening his eyes, he looked up at the ceiling emotionless, the breathing on his neck making him want to take a shower. He looked down at the two Croweaters in his bed, one resting her head in the crook of his neck, the other clinging onto his arm. He roughly shook his arm, the woman waking suddenly and looking up at him, a smile coming to her face as she made eye contact with him.

“Good morning baby.”   
“Get out.”

Her smile fell and she ran her hand down his chest with a pout.

“Come on Hap. Let’s go again.”

A growl left his lips and he sat up, the other girl sliding off of his body as he stared the first croweater down with cold eyes.

“I said get out. Take your friend with you.”

She nodded nervously and slid off of the bed quickly, grabbing her clothes and hurrying to get dressed. The other one wasn’t sure what was happening but she quickly slipped out of the bed too, finding her clothing as well while Hap stood just as naked as them. He walked to the bathroom and turned back just as they were about to leave.

“Lock the door.”

In the shower, Happy stood with his hands pressed against the tiles, his head hanging low. He let the hot water run down his body for a moment before he grabbed the soap and a washcloth, scrubbing at his skin to get the smell of the women off of him. As he washed, he thought back to the last time he’d seen you. He’d been taking a shower at your house before leaving to TM in the morning and you had joined him. As he reminisced, he could almost feel your hands on him. The feel of your gentle soapy hands sliding over his tattooed shoulders and chest as you washed him. The solace he felt as you would stand behind him and hold onto his body with your arms around his waist, just happy to spend time with him. That was the last memory he had of you.

Then that day, you’d disappeared. Not a call, not a text, not a note. You’d just left, taken as much with you as you could and dropped off the face of the earth. They’d all tried to reach you. Him, Jax, Gemma, Clay, Chibs, Juice. Everyone had tried to see where you were and when you were coming back. If you were coming back. But you never answered. They would call you every day, multiple times a day for the first couple of weeks. Then it had gone to calling you on the weekends. Within the month though, your phone had been turned off and that had broken Gemma. She still would call you in hopes that maybe you’d answer one day and everyone had thought that she had taken it the hardest. What they didn’t know though was that Happy called you every day too.

He called to hear your voice when the call would go to voicemail. He called to pretend you were just away but coming back. He even stayed in Charming for the rest of the month while his transfer papers were finalized, not rushing anything in hopes that you’d come back before then and say you had just taken time to deal with getting caught by Gemma, needed time to think. That didn’t happen though and when your phone had gotten shut off, he’d destroyed his place in a fit of rage and for the first time since he was a child, he cried himself to sleep. He’d rushed the paperwork that next morning and had taken off to Tacoma as soon as it was done, where he’d been for the last 3 months.

Now all he did was kill whoever the club needed him to kill and spend all his free time drunk and buried to the hilt in croweaters, often more than just one a night. He always went for the ones that were opposite of you. Different hair color, different skin tone, different height, different body type. He avoided any that reminded him of you and did his best to forget you. No one in Tacoma knew why he’d come back and they definitely didn’t know that he’d had a woman he loved. The Croweaters especially hadn’t known and they’d brought him some comfort at night but come the morning, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat disgusted with himself. You weren’t together anymore but he couldn’t help to feel that he was still cheating on you in some way and he scrubbed his skin furiously at the thought for a minute longer before rinsing off and hopping out of the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom.”

Gemma looked up at the sound of her son’s voice and swallowed, placing her phone down.

“Sorry. Just…just listening to old voicemails she left me.”

Jax looked at his mother with sorrow, knowing exactly who ‘she’ was and she looked back at him before letting her shoulders and head drop, her body shaking as she sobbed. Jax walked around the desk to where she was sitting and wrapped his arms around her. She clung onto her son as he ran a hand over her back trying to soothe her.

“I just miss her so much. She fucked up but not enough to where Clay had to kick her out. Who cares if she was with Happy. We shouldn’t have reacted the way we did. We didn’t need to be so harsh. Now look!”

Jax nodded, his eyes slipping closed as he held his crying mother. The door to the TM office swung open suddenly, Tig walking in. He opened his mouth to speak but shut it as he saw the broken pair. A frown made its way on his face and he looked up at Jax, looking helpless. Over the last couple months, she’d gotten better but she still had days where she couldn’t leave the house she was such a wreck. On those days, Clay would leave as early as possible and stay the night at the clubhouse, unable to stomach the guilt of knowing he’d caused that pain. Not just for her but for you and everyone else.

Everyone had somewhat come to terms with your absence but they all still felt the pain as fresh as when you’d left. She had already lost Tommy, not having you too was taking its toll on her. The worst part was not knowing how you were. They didn’t even know if you were alive. The club had a lot of enemies all over and the thought of you getting killed, dying alone somewhere made her feel worse than she ever had before. She stood up quickly, grabbing her purse and walking away from her son, past Tig and out of the office.

“I’m going home. I need to be alone.”

Not waiting for an answer, Gemma turned away, her hand over her mouth as she let out another sob and jogged to her Escalade.

Tig and Jax both looked to each other, tears in Jax’s eyes.

“I’m gonna go to my dorm. Come get me if you need me.”

With that, Jax left the office as well, leaving Tig by himself with a heavy heart. He walked forward and reached down, grabbing Gemma’s forgotten phone and seeing it on the voicemail screen. He hit the voicemail from you and put the phone up to his ear, a faint smile coming to his face as he heard your voice come over the speaker.

“Hey mom, I called you but you didn’t answer. I just wanted to say I love you. Maybe we can get lunch tomorrow. Call me back. Bye.”

Tig swallowed around the lump in his throat and put the phone back down, feeling just as much guilt as the rest of them. He sniffled a couple of times and took a deep breath to steady himself before walking out of the office and closing the door behind him. He was going to make some calls and he was going to find you. He swore that to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

“I honestly don’t know what to tell you Alex. Really. I mean, the kid covered all her bases. Doesn’t use credit cards, shut her phone off and must’ve put another one in some other name, she hasn’t bought a house or anything. Her name isn’t down for any leases or rent for any apartments. I can’t track her man. I’m sorry.”

Tig sighed deeply and rubbed the bridge of his nose in between his fingers, feeling a headache come on. The man on the other end sighed as well and was quiet for a couple of seconds.

“Listen man, let me see what I can do. I’ve got a friend over in New York, he’s the best with stuff like this. I’ll talk to him. It’s gonna cost you though." 

Tig immediately perked up, nodding quickly.

"That’s ok. That’s fine, I’ll pay whatever. We just really need to find her. Just get me a price and I’ll get the cash.”

“Alright man, I’ll get you a number and call you later. Good luck.”

Tig hung up and set his burner down, taking a deep breath. He knew it might’ve been foolish but he felt this little bit of hope swell up inside him. He’d been making calls with people for 9 days now, to no avail. You’d covered your tracks perfectly and none of the people he had contacted had been able to track you down. His last resort was Bill, an old friend from the Marines that he had. He didn’t know what the guy did now but he knew he was good at finding people that wanted to stay hidden and he’d known that he was his last hope. After a long and grueling 4 days, Bill had given the news that he’d had no such luck and couldn’t find anything. Now this friend of a friend of his was the clubs last hope for finding you and bringing you home. 

It was going on 5 months now that you’d been gone but it hadn’t gotten any easier. Gemma still wasn’t herself and neither was Jax. She was quiet, more reserved and drank every day. Jax was becoming more heartless by the day. He showed no mercy and barely ever smiled. Clay was closed off and barely ever spoke to anyone. The club was broken in your absence and from what he’d from his brothers in Tacoma, Happy wasn’t doing any better. Drinking whenever he wasn’t doing anything for the club and buried in croweaters. Donut had let it slip that he was worried about him and thought he wasn’t going doing too well. He didn’t laugh or joke around. Didn’t crack jokes. The minimal smiles he used to have had disappeared entirely and he was just the shell of the man he used to be. 

Tig had called him a couple of times to catch up but Hap had been very standoffish and cold, hanging up immediately whenever Tig would mention you or bring you up. He wanted to forget you, forget the feelings that he had for you. The trust and faith he had in you. He wanted to forget you ever existed but that was proving to be easier said than done. 

He still missed you as much as the day you left. It hadn’t gotten any easier and he still hadn’t moved on. He’d made a step once in finally getting with a croweater that reminded him of you. She has the same hair color, same length, same texture, same skin tone. She was a little taller but it was barely noticeable. He’d stayed away from her as much as possible, hating the way seeing her brought back all the memories of you. Finally, in a drunken stupor, he’d made the decision to finally sleep with her. He brought her back to his dorm and removed her clothing more gently than he did with the others. He took them off the way he used to take yours off. He laid her back the way he used to do with you. In his head, he tried to pretend she was you, to soothe the ache in his heart of not having you anymore. 

He’d been slower, gentler than usual, taking the care to make sure she felt pleasure as well. He even kissed her, but it wasn’t the same. Her lips didn’t fit his the way yours did. When he bit her lip, she didn’t giggle the way you did. She didn’t moan and gasp the way you did. She didn’t cling to him and grip his biceps the way you did. She didn’t run her hand over his head and kiss his shoulder the way you did. She didn’t do anything the way you did, because she wasn’t you. She wasn’t you and she never would be and for the first time in Happy’s life as a Son, he kicked her out before he could even get off. He didn’t care anymore, he just wanted her out of his sight. He yelled at her and roughly shoved her out of the room, running off to the bathroom to scrub himself raw in the shower the way he always did. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“So he’s got a guy that he thinks can do it?”

Tig nodded at Chibs and his eyes widened a bit, elated to hear the news. He knew not to get too excited because the chances of this working were slim but it was impossible for him not feel hopeful when there was the possibility of getting the SAMCRO princess back. It had been a painful 5 months without you but there were still a couple of people that had hope. Him, Gemma, Tig, Juice, and Bobby still had hope but the others had fallen off. 

Jax hadn’t spoken about you in weeks and would leave whenever you were brought up, unable to stomach the guilt of sitting back and not going after you that day. Piney and Opie never mentioned you either, the wound still too fresh. Clay never said your name, unless it was to soothe Gemma. To be honest though, he wasn’t too sure you were even alive. It had been too long. No traces of you in 5 months of some of the best trackers the club knew. All the charters were on the lookout and any allies the club had knew too. He wanted to see his little girl again but the truth was that things weren’t looking too good. Too many enemies, too many dangers. He still hoped to see you again though and he’d caught himself a couple of times praying to whoever could hear him to bring you back home safe. 

Tig never gave up though. He came close more times than he could count but he never lost hope. He made call after call, met person after person, did anything and everything he could to ensure that he’d bring you home. You were his goddaughter and he’d be damned if he just gave up on you. With the added support from Chibs though, he felt himself becoming more and more hopeful. 

“So this guy that Bill knows has access to records of legal name changes. He’s going to try and go through those and see if anything links up. He thinks maybe she changed her name and that’s why we can’t find anything. If we’re looking for a name she’s not using anymore then, of course, nothing’s gonna come up. Also, he’s checking any hospital records in case…”

Tig stopped himself and swallowed around a dry throat, the thought putting him off.

“Anyways, Bill thinks he’s the best guy for the job. Said its gonna be expensive but money doesn’t mean shit if we can get our girl back.”

Chibs nodded firmly, chewing his bottom lip.

“Aye Tiggy. Aye.”

The men nodded to each other, a silent conversation taking place before Tig picked back up.

“He’s in New York, so I don’t know if we’re gonna have to go over there or if we can stay separate and just do phone calls. Either way, Bill’s vouched for this guy, says this the best so-”   
“Guys?! Guys!" 

Tig and Chibs snapped their heads over towards the table where Juice was sitting with his laptop, eyes wide and staring at something on the screen. Jax looked over from his spot at the bar as well, alert at the sound of Juice’s loud voice booming through the clubhouse.

"I think I found her!”

The sound of chairs scraping against the floor be heard loudly as everyone shot up out of their seats. Jax, Tig, Chibs, and Bobby hurried over to Juice, looking at the screen where Juice was pointing.

“I ran a scan to find her name anywhere that they would’ve had to take her information and it came up in this place so I hacked their system. Right there. That’s her. That’s her full name, her birthday. That’s gotta be her.”

They all read the screen and looked over at Jax who nodded.

“That’s her. Where is it?”   
“Texas. El Paso specifically.”   
“And where is the information from? Where did she go?”   
“Uh, that I don’t know. Let me check." 

He squinted at the screen, searching for anything specific. An address, a facility, a zip code, anything. Towards the end, there was a website link and he copied it, pasting it into the address bar. After a couple of seconds, the page loaded and showed the home screen of the website, Jax reading it out loud.

"Genesis Women’s Center, the preferred place for general Obstetrics in the El Paso area.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as did Juice’s but Tig, Chibs and Bobby’s eyes all widened as they looked at each other.

“What? What is that? What does that mean?”

Tig and Chibs both blew out a heavy breath and turned away from the laptop, their eyes closed and their hands coming to rest on top of their heads while Bobby looked at Jax.

“It’s an OBGYN, specifically the OB part. She’s pregnant.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

You smiled at the middle-aged woman and poured her another cup of coffee.

“Don’t know yet. Wanted to keep it a surprise I think. Wait until he or she gets here.”

The woman nodded and took a sip, motioning for you to sit in front of her in the booth. You looked around and figured why not, you were the only one still working and it’s not like your boss was here to yell at you for relaxing on the job. You sat across from the woman who you’d come to know was named Beth from your frequent interactions and begin talking, getting lost in conversation about children. She always came in at the same time every day to have her 8 pm coffee. You recently transferred to this diner since it was closer to your apartment. The farther along in your pregnancy you got, the less you wanted to stress and exert yourself. You were already 6 months along and things weren’t exactly getting any easier. 

You were low on money and all you really owned was the belongings you had packed when you left Charming and a shitty apartment in the bad side of town. If you were being honest, you hated it but you were saving every penny you could so you could provide for the baby when it got here. You had the capacity to get a better job and make better money but the issue was staying off the radar. If you got an official job on the books, your cover would be blown. You knew how good Juice was with tracing so you decided to work under the table for straight cash, no checks or payroll. You had been away from Charming for a while now but you knew the club was probably still looking for you. Not Clay, you didn’t think he cared about you anymore, but you figured the others might be. You were usually in limbo as to how that made you feel. A part of you wished that they wouldn’t. Wished that they would just forget you. You hoped that they weren’t sad or distressed in the wake of your absence. After all, they were disappointed in you. 

But the other side of you hoped that they still looked for you every now and then. You hoped that they at least missed you, thought about you from time to time. To you, Clay was the only one you could see truly not giving a shit. He’d been the one to kick you out in the first place. He hadn’t meant for you to take off though and you wondered how he felt about everything. Above all else though, you wondered about Happy. How he’d reacted when he found out you had left. If he still thought about you. If he missed you or if he hated you. If he had a new girl now, one that he could parade around and be proud to own, not like it had to be with you. The thought made you sick. 

The sound of your name being called pulled you from your thoughts and your eyes snapped up to see Beth waving her had in front of your face. She smiled when you made eye contact.

“You alright there darling? Lost you for a second.”

You chuckled in embarrassment and ran your hand through your hair.

“Sorry, Beth. Just stuck in my thoughts.”

Beth simply nodded and tossed back the remainder of her coffee before grabbing her purse to get ready to leave.

“Well, it’s getting late. I better get going. You too.”

With a nod, you stood and grabbed the empty mug taking it to the back. 

After you tossed it into the sink, you walked back out to say goodbye but Beth was gone, $50 on the table. You shook your head but were still thankful. Her coffee had cost $3 every night but she still always left you a large tip. ‘Buy the baby something nice.’ she always said. You were definitely struggling when it came to money and those extra dollars helped more than she‘d ever know. With a small smile, you turned back to the kitchen and went in to start doing the dishes, thinking about your family and your old life. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“That must’ve been why she left. She didn’t want to have to face us and say she was pregnant. Not after the scene her little rendezvous with Happy caused.”

Bobby was the only one really talking while the others sat with their head in their hands. Tig looked in disbelief, Chibs was stoic and Jax had a look that could kill. He didn’t know who he was angrier with, all he knew was that he was angry and that he wanted his baby sister back. There was great relief in knowing that you were alive and ok but the thought for you out there all alone had always hurt him to think about but now finding out that you were pregnant too? His heart was broken. 

Some days were better than others but right now he would barely stomach the guilt he felt for letting you walk out of the clubhouse that day. Maybe if he had followed his instincts, ignored Clay and went after you, everything would be fine. But everything wasn’t fine and he was making it his job to fix this mess and bring his little sister back home. The first step to do that though meant that they needed to have Happy back down in SAMCRO. That wasn’t going to be the hardest part though. Telling him that you were carrying his baby would be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Happy? Hap!”

Happy grumbled and rolled over in his bed, pulling his pillow over his head to ignore the repetition of his name at the door. It didn’t stop though and simply got louder, now accompanied by impatient knocking.

“What?!”

Happy’s gruff and angry voice barked out causing Kozik to start talking from the other side of the door.

“Happy man, you gotta call SAMCRO. Jax called, said he’s been calling you all morning and you’re not answering. It sounds really important.”

The Killer groaned as he remembered that he had turned his burner off the night before when he had taken a croweater to bed, not wanting to be interrupted. He’d forgotten to turn it back on though and now his Charming VP was pissed.

Happy rubbed his eyes and sat up, grabbing his burner from off of the nightstand.

“I’ll call him back now.”

“Ok brother.”

With that Kozik walked away from the dorm door while Happy started his phone back up, 7 missed calls and 4 unread texts lined up, all from his brothers down in SAMCRO. He cleared his throat and hit the speed dial for Jax’s number, pressing the phone to his ear and shoving the sleeping croweater.

“Get out.”

The girl groggily left the room while Happy listened to the phone ring before Jax’s voice came over the line, not bothering with pleasantries or small talk.

“I’ve been calling you. You need to answer your phone.”

Happy nodded and swung his legs over so he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Sorry, Jax. What’s going on?”

There was a silence on the other end as Jax contemplated how to deliver the news but he settled on just being upfront.

“Juice tracked down Y/N.”

Now it was Happy’s turn to be silent. Even though he stayed quiet, there was a flood of feelings and emotions going through him. Fear, anger, betrayal, curiosity. Out of all of them though, the one that stuck out was relief. Relief that at least you were alive. The others could come later.

“She’s alright?”   
“We think so. We tracked her in El Paso. She’s…”

There was a pause and Happy’s mind was scrambling as he waited to hear what Jax would say next.

Maybe you had found another man. One that worked a regular 9 to 5 and would be home with you. No runs or jail time. While the thought of you being happy and protected made him at ease, the thought of any man other than him being with you had him seeing red. His brain kept churning as he thought of all the things that could come at the end of that sentence. She’s happy, she’s single, she’s married, she’s coming back. It was none of those though and Happy felt his heart drop into his stomach as he heard Jax finally spit it out. 

“She’s pregnant.” 

With just those 2 words, Happy felt his entire body go hot and he looked around for something to break, a wall to punch. The thought of you with another guy made him furious but you carrying a baby that belonged to anyone other than him? He grit his teeth together and stared forward at the wall, his left hand in a fist and clenching by his side.

“Do you know who the guy is? Did she run off with him? Or did she meet him over there? I swear to god Jax, find out who he is and send me the name.” 

There was a silence again and Jax blew out a breath, closing his eyes.

“It’s yours Hap. Juice hacked the file, she’s 6 months along. That means she was pregnant when she left. That’s why she took off. It’s your baby.”

Happy sat there for a good 10 seconds in complete shock before suddenly everything started to make sense. How you had picked him over the club but then taken off. How you had been willing to leave him and your family behind. You wouldn’t have been able to hide your pregnancy from the club and that would’ve been a whole different problem. You’d left to make things easier for him and avoid issues within the club. It had, but you’d ended up breaking his heart in the process, even though he’d probably never admit it.

“We’re gonna head over to Texas and find her, bring her back home. We could use you back.”

Without any hesitation, Happy nodded and stood up from the bed, his jaw set and pure determination on his face. Even after months of lying to himself saying he didn’t love you anymore and drowning himself in booze and pussy to try and forget you, he still loved you, you were still his and he was going to get you back. 

“I’ll be there tomorrow.”


	6. Chapter 6

Happy took in a deep breath of the California air. Six months. Six months away from the hot air, clear skies and sunshine. Tacoma had been different, to say the least. Dark and gloomy. Though that could’ve been from the grief he felt from losing you. The club had its fair share of enemies and he was sure that you’d ended up dead in the ditch somewhere. Knowing you were alive had lit a fire under his ass though and finding out you were pregnant made him turn a near 13-hour ride into 10 hours and some change. It was a miracle he even still had a license when he pulled into the Charming. But he did and he was here and there was still time to make things right. 

Swinging his leg over the bike and hopping off, he tossed his helmet onto the right handlebar, looking around the lot. Not much had changed in the six months that he had been away. The lot and the clubhouse still looked the same, as did the friendly faces of his brothers as they stood from the picnic table out in front of the entrance. The ghost of a smile teased his lips as he made eye contact with his brothers. Chibs, Jax, Juice, Tig. All standing there waiting on him, slight smiles on all their faces. His steps were quick as he made his way up to the clubhouse, no words exchanged as they all embraced him. Jax held him the longest, a silent conversation asking between the two of them that was an agreement. 

We’ll find her. 

As they pulled away, Chibs slapped him on the back, guiding him in.

"Clay’s inside. No church. Just a discussion.“ 

Tig nodded, pointing inside.

"Mainly because Gemma said we weren’t gonna talk about anything without her present." 

Happy laughed quietly, nodding in agreement.

"Wouldn’t expect anything less." 

The brothers walked into the clubhouse hall together, the rest of SAMCRO sitting around by the bar. Gemma standing by the side with her arms crossed over her chest. Happy knew she was just waiting to get a move on, ready to find her daughter and bring her back home. If he knew the matriarch, which he did, he knew she’d be passed the point of small talk. His fear of her was starting to poke through though as he locked eyes with her, sorrow and fury both battling within her gaze.

Everyone else looked up as he entered but he shook his head, not wanting the focus to be on him. He simply looked directly at Clay, not in defiance, but not in submission either. Happy was passed that. This wasn’t just about his girl anymore. This was about her as the mother of his child. This was about the new life that was going to be brought into the world, already surrounded by drama. All he cared about was getting them back.

Clay nodded as they made eye contact as well. Small talk be damned. Happy wanted to get on the road. 

"Yall said you tracked her all the way to El Paso, some women’s health clinic. My guess is, if she went to get care there then she’s probably planning on sticking around there. She ain’t gonna wanna be traveling around when she’s getting so far along. She’s probably holed up around there somewhere, laying low until she has the baby. She’s gotta be getting her money from somewhere so we gotta check around and see what places would be willing to hire someone in the spot from out of town. A bar, dinner, fast food place. Something like that. I say we start there." 

All the rest of them nodded, knowing that Hap was probably right. Gemma was the only one that spoke.

"Well get fucking going then!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A deep, tired sigh left your lips as you pushed the door open to your apartment. Your feet were sore and swollen and you couldn’t tell if it was more because of the long shift standing or the pregnancy. Most likely both. It didn’t matter now. The only thing you cared about right now was getting in the bath and soaking the days stress away. Your shoulders ached, as did your legs and a nice relaxing warm bath was just what you needed. Kicking your shoes off and tossing your purse onto the counter, you trudged to the bathroom, slowly shedding parts of your uniform along the way until you stood naked before your bathtub. 

You used one hand to turn the faucet handle while your other ran along your swollen tummy as you stood humming to your baby. Soon steam began to fill the bathroom and the bathtub began to fill. You reached for the lavender bath soak, pouring in rivets of it until you were satisfied with the aroma that filled the tiny bathroom, glittering bubbles rising atop the water. The scent soothed you and all that was missing was some music. Reaching over, you turned in the iPod that was on the dock and turned on your favorite playlist. Hitting shuffle, you stepped into the tub carefully, submerging yourself in the near searing water. An involuntary moan rumbled in your throat as you settled in up to your chin, closing your eyes and letting your body be consumed by the warmth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you sure Juice?“

"I’m positive Jax. This is it. This is the apartment complex, looks like the first room on the second floor. The iPod is locking onto that location. She probably forgot that the iPod had the tracking device too." 

Jax didn’t waste time with conversation, hopping out of the van. Juice went to get out too but Jax held his hand out, blocking him. 

"Let me go first. I’m her brother. I’m the one that fucked up the most. It’ll be too much of a shock for her if it’s all of us. Let me go and-" 

"I’m going too." 

Happy made a move to climb out of the van as well but Jax’s hand was there again, blocking him a bit more aggressively this time. 

"I said no. If I hadn’t called you, you’d still be over in Tacoma fucking every croweater in the clubhouse. I’m her brother. I’m the one that never stopped looking for her. I’m going." 

Even though he didn’t directly say it, Happy still could tell what the underlying tone was of what Jax was saying. You gave up on my sister. He begrudgingly settled back in his seat, swallowing roughly to try and disguise his guilt as Jax pulled his hoodie over his head and jogged across the parking lot and up the stairs to the second floor. Coming up to the last door, he hesitated as he brought his hand up. It knocked anyways. His heart was pounding and soon so was his fist against the shitty apartment door, startling you and shaking you from your peaceful bath. 

You gasped as your body jolted, bubbles popping and slipping over the edge of the tub as you sat up suddenly. No one knew who you were in this city, much less where you lived, so you knew having someone knock directly at your door wasn’t good, especially not with as harshly as they’d done it. Your heart rate picked up as you stood, suds and water falling from your body as you grabbed the towel and hurried to dry yourself off. With the towel clutched in your hands, you reached over to pause the music on your iPod and as the silence filled the bathroom, that’s when it hit you. 

You’d never turned off the tracking in your iPod. 

There was an odd sense of calm that came over you then. At least it wasn’t someone that was coming to do any harm to you. There was now this overwhelming anxiety instead that replaced the fear. 

They found you. The club found you. Someone from the club found you. They had been looking for you. You couldn’t hide anymore. 

Your sigh was heavy, as were your shoulders, same as the knocking on the door. You chuckled with defeat and anger at how you could’ve missed something so simple. With resignation, you reached over and grabbed your panties and robe, slipping them on and making sure to tie it securely over your bump. The apartment was small and it didn’t take you long to cross the length of it, looking through the peephole in the door. You couldn’t stop the tears that flooded your eyes the moment you saw the blonde hair and eyes that could only belong to Jax and he stood up straighter as he heard your sob through the door. His hands clawed at the door at the sound, itching to comfort you. 

"Y/N, I know you know it’s me. Open up, sis. Please. Let me in, please. Please.”

All these last months of trying to train yourself not to think about them, not to run back to them ran down the drain as you suddenly didn’t have the self-control to keep it together anymore. Before you knew it, your hand was on the chain, unlocking the door and pulling it open. Jax’s eyes were watery themselves as they locked with yours and he took you into his arms immediately, wrapping tightly around you as if he was afraid he’d lose you again if he let go. Your baby bump made it hard to get close but it was close enough. Your tears continued to flow, soaking into the fabric of Jax’s hoodie as he rubbed his hands along your back, soothing you.

"Shhh, it’s ok. I’m here. I’m here. You’re ok.“ 

It was as if all of your emotions hit you at one. The anger from having to choose between your man and your family, the hurt from your father not wanting you around, the betrayal of your brother allowing him to do it, the fear of having to raise this child all alone. It all was overwhelming you and suddenly you were 5 years old again, crying in your brother's arms like the time your goldfish had died.

You weren’t sure how long you stood there embracing but soon enough, your sobs had quieted down and Jax was pulling away, using his thumbs to wipe away your tears. Finally, you could see the second person standing behind him and you both turned to look. You heard Jax sigh but it sounded far away, your ears sounding like everything was underwater as you looked at Happy. He didn’t look at you though. His eyes were zoomed in on your tummy, round with his child. It took him a second to finally look up at you and when he did, he had the same reaction as Jax except his lips were pressed against yours with up such a passion, Jax looked away. As he pulled away, your emotions were scattered, laughs and new sobs falling from your lips. 

Happy brushed back your damp hair.

"Were you in the shower?" 

You laughed softly, nodding and running your hands along your sticky arms from where you hadn’t rinsed off the bubbles.

"Bath." 

There was a silence that fell over the three of you then and you decided to be the one to break it. 

"I’m sorry. For everything. For taking off, for not saying anything before I did, for not keeping contact. I just didn’t know what to do. I just knew how pissed Clay was and he didn’t want me around so I just left. Then with this little…secret…”

You motioned to your belly and rubbed it subconsciously.

"Which ain’t such a secret anymore I guess is it. I just felt like it would be better for everyone if I just left.“

"It wasn’t better though. It wasn’t better for me, not having the girl that I love, not having my kid. It wasn’t better for your parents, definitely not for Clay. He’s beaten himself up since you left because it was his fault. He knows it all started with him. He hasn’t been the same since you left. Gemma’s been mourning you this whole time, thinking you were dead. The whole club has been in shambles since you left. You leaving didn’t do good for anyone, especially you." 

You looked down in guilt and shook your head. 

"I never meant to hurt anyone. I just, it seemed like the best choice at the time. I was wrong for handling it the way I did. I know. I’m sorry." 

You reached out to grab into both Happy and Jax’s hands, squeezing them tightly. 

"Forgive me. Please." 

Jax squeezed your hand back and smiled softly.

"We already have sis. It’s in the past. I’m gonna go down and call mom and Clay. Let them know we found you. You know she’s gonna want to FaceTime you immediately." 

You laughed through your tears and nodded. 

"Yeah, I know." 

Jax walked back out of the apartment and pulled out his burner, flipping it open and closing the door behind him as he called Gem. Happy used the moment of privacy to reach down and caress your tummy. 

"So…Boy or girl?" 

You shrugged with a smile on your face. 

"Don’t know. Don’t care. Just as long as they’re healthy." 

Happy smiled in agreement and took you by the hand, pressing a kiss to it before leading you back to your room. 

"Let me help you pack. I’m bringing you home.”


	7. Chapter 7

“You sure you’re ok to do this?”

You nodded as you stood in Gemma’s driveway, hand in hand with Happy. You were a ball of nerves, of course, apprehension and anxiety flooding through your body after being away from your home and family for so long. Jax had assured you though that there were no hard feelings on the side of the MC, only guilt for having let the situation get so out of hand to where you had been driven away. Happy was by your side though, never planning on letting you out of his sight again.

He still left shafted by you leaving, something he knew he was going to have to come to terms with in his own time, but the anger and resentment he had once felt were now gone and his only concern now was you. He squeezed your hand and you looked up at him with a small smile.

“Now or never.”

The both of you walked up to the front door, the sky shades of pink and purple after the sunset for Gemma’s Sunday dinner. Happy held the door open for you and you walked in, Bobby and Piney the first two members you saw sitting at the table in the kitchen. They both looked over and grinned at the sight of you, Bobby getting up to give you a hug, Piney staying in his seat and waiting for you to come in further. Bobby placed his hands on your shoulders, holding you an arm’s length away from him as he looked you over, mainly the obvious bump of your tummy which hadn’t been there when you’d left. Bobby wrapped his arms around you, bringing you in for the strongest hug he could manage, tears springing to your eyes at the warmth you’d always remembered. You could honestly say that you might’ve missed Bobby the most, his compassion being something you had always admired. As you pulled away, you smiled, looking up at him as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. He pulled away and let you head towards Piney who opened his arms to you as well. He didn’t say anything, his hug and the look in his eyes saying enough. 

After that it was Tig, him hugging you and rocking you side to side in his embrace, his voice soft in your ear.

“We missed you so much, doll. We’re so happy you’re back home with us, where you belong.”

The next few minutes went by like that, everyone else greeting you and telling you how much they’d missed you. It was clear that in time, your secret relationship was not nearly as big of a deal as they had made it out to be and at this point, they were just happy to have you back with them. Juice was the last one at the table and you greeted him with a soft punch to the shoulder.

“You asshole. I know it was you that found me.”

Juice laughed and tugged you into a hug, teasing you himself just like old times.

“If you had been a little smarter, I wouldn’t have been able to track you.”

“Touché.”

You hugged softly and pulled away, Juice’s eyes looking behind you. You turned around and saw Clay standing there, an unreadable look on his face as he looked at you. Your eyes locked with his and he gave a soft smile, opening his arms to you. He wasn’t much of a sentimental man but the thought of you refusing his hug did run through his mind and he felt his heart sink. You returned the smile though and stepped into your father’s arms, them immediately tightening around you. One hand held the back of your head to his chest, cradling you as he whispered to you. 

“I missed you babygirl. I’m so sorry.”

You nodded your head as best as you could in his grasp.

“I fucked up. You fucked up. We all fucked up. Let’s call it even.”

Clay nodded and gave a chuckle, shrugging.

“I guess that’s fair. Let’s sit down and eat. We haven’t had a Sunday dinner since you’ve been gone. We can talk later.”

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You thanked Gemma as she placed a cup of coffee down onto the table in front of you, leaning down to take your head in her hands and press a long kiss to your hair. She pulled back some but left her hands in place, looking down at you with love in her eyes.

“I’m so glad you’re back baby.”

She let her eyes glance down to your tummy and she softly poked at the bump.

“You too.”

You smiled as she pulled away entirely and walked around to take a seat beside Clay. Everyone else had left, leaving just you, your parents, Jax and Happy. Hap was beside you, his hand heavy as it held onto your thigh under the table as it had been the entire night. There was a bit of silence, all of you looking around at each other before you cleared your throat and began.

“I know this got away from us. We were all upset, and we all reacted quickly, but I am still hurt. This was my family, and because I made a decision that you weren’t happy with, you cast me out of the only home I’ve ever known.”

Clay winced and looked down, Gemma reaching over to clasp his hand in both of hers.

“I felt like I really didn’t matter to you guys. I didn’t rat, I didn’t take a deal. I didn’t do anything that warranted you to bar me from my family. I always stuck my neck out for this club, for my family. For you to cast me aside and for you to not stick up for me,”

You gestured over towards Jax and he swallowed, guilt weighing heavy as he knew he had failed you as a big brother.

“I felt like once you found out I was pregnant, you were really gonna treat my like shit. It just didn’t make sense to stick around. I didn’t want to put that on Happy. I know it might not seem like it, but to me, leaving was my only choice. I hate that I hurt you guys, but you hurt me first.”

You looked down at your coffee cup, Happy staying silent beside you but offering a comforting squeeze to your knee. You smiled softly at the gesture and looked back up at both your parents and your brother.

“Hap and I are together. We’re staying together. That’s that. I know you may not approve but that’s just the way that things are going to be. I have a family now and they need to come first.”

Gemma nodded quietly, never liking to be told how things were going to go but still proud that you were putting your foot down and setting boundaries, being a strong woman, now strong mother. She’d raised you well.

“I’m going to stay for a little while, get everything situated, but wherever Happy goes, I go. If he stays in Tacoma, I’m staying. If he comes back here, I’ll stay here. I’m only a couple months from having this baby and I want to be settled down, wherever he’s at.”

You felt bad at the tension Gemma’s body got, hating to hear that just after getting you back, she may be losing you again if you decided to follow him. All eyes shifted to Happy after that and he leaned back in his chair, his eyes trained on Clay only. No words were spoken but a conversation happened between the two men, Clay nodding slowly.

“We want you back in SAMCRO with us, Hap. Both of you. But I do understand if you want to stay in Tacoma. We’d really rather you transfer back though. I can have the papers done by today. Let you go back, get your stuff and come back. If that’s what you want.”

The words killed Clay as they left his mouth, hating that he was even extending the option or putting it on the table to stay in Tacoma, but after everything that had happened, the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel trapped or that he was still trying to be in control. There was silence for a couple of moments, Happy looking over at you before he spoke. You nodded and he did too, looking back at Clay as he grabbed your hand under the table and brought it up to rest on top of the table in plain sight, done with hiding.

“We’ll stay. I’ll leave her here while I go and get my stuff and bring it back.”

Everyone nodded and Jax reached over to place a hand on Happy’s shoulder, roughly but playfully jostling him with a smile that Happy returned.

“Good to have you back bro. And sis.”

Both you and Happy stole a glance at each other, glad that the ordeal was over and that you both could love each other and create your family in peace with the existing family you already had. With a smile fueled by genuine happiness, you placed a hand on your baby bump and looked around at the faces of your family.

“It’s good to be back.”


End file.
